Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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