i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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