I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
