Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
