sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize