i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
