Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
