We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
