I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
