A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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