I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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