shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
