Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
