Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize