two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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