can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
