Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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