You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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