I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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