he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
