I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
