If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize