so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
