summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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