i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
this will be a night to untag.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
