You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
