i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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