Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
