You're so nebulous sometimes
thus making me awesome and them whores
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
