Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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