I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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