Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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