Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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