I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
