i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize