this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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