And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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