if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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