my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
