I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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