She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
