forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
