An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
