Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
