Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
