I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
