let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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