He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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