I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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