My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
