yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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