is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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