last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
