I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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