Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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