I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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