Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
