Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize