I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize