Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
