Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
