i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
3pm strippers are depressing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
