but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
