At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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