I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
